blue jeans.

**this was written my first semester as a sophomore in college**

I successfully grew out of every pair of jeans I owned in high school before the age of 20.

I am 5’6 and ¾”. I weight approximately 140 pounds, but my weight could fluctuate depending on the day, give or take about 5 pounds.

I try to work out when I can. I worked out all summer. I have not yet worked out this semester at college.

I eat fairly balanced meals and do my best to choose healthy options. I recently cut out all soda/pop and fast food out of my diet. When my friends hit up the Krispy Kreme hot light, I don’t deny myself the simple pleasure of a free donut.

This summer, I dropped a pretty penny on 4 new pairs of jeans to wear for as long as possible… until they are worn or I grow out of them, too.

I keep every pair of jeans I previously owned. They fill the bottom drawer of my dorm room dresser waiting to be pulled out and worn, but my legs aren’t quite forgiving enough, anymore.

For a while, I saw my size 3 ripped skinny jeans to be motivation for me as I took care of my body and got back to my athletic, high-school self. I worked out and ate healthy… and it seemed like the number on the tag kept getting larger and larger no matter what I did.

You are just too fat. You aren’t going to stop gaining weight. You’re going to completely lose your self-control.  If you can’t do it now, what makes you think you’ll be able to be fit in 10 years? Better hit the gym. Don’t wear tight clothes. Your favorite shirt? Not anymore. I can see the rolls in your stomach. Those jeans are cute but not on you. You aren’t beautiful anymore.

The lies have filled my mind. For a moment, they consumed me.

I'd sit and stare. Sit, stare. Sit, stare. My old jeans, they mocked me. They'd whisper alluring notions in my ear to draw me in and scream lies at me to remind how much they just don't fit anymore.

So today, I threw them out.

And when I say threw them out, I don't mean I nonchalantly got rid of old clothes- oh no. I took PLEASURE it THROWING them (but not into the trash, I totally donated them, lol).

Honestly though, the more I think about my blue jeans, the more I realize what a hold those jeans were for me. I didn't even look at them at the end there... I simply knew they existed. All of those societal standards that I quite literally could not fit in to anymore, and it mocked me relentlessly.

I'm curious... Have you ever heard the mocking? Maybe for you, it wasn't blue jeans. Maybe it was a beautiful dress or a pair of shoes, or maybe it wasn't clothes at all. Maybe there's a picture on your wall that reminds you of failure.

That's the thing... it doesn't have to just be clothes. Have you ever let a lie mock you? Have you ever let a past mistake, a broken relationship, a lie spoken over you, etc. to hang in the air like dust fragments polluting the air?

Today, I offer this: get. rid. of. it.

Yeah, you heard me right. Throw them out.

Maybe sometimes (or most times, I'd suggest), that's all it takes. You take the cheesy "Not today, Satan" phrase and actually mean it. Not today, Satan The jeans are gone. They don't get to mock me anymore. My new jeans are bigger and looser but they look good on me. Those old lies or gone and man, Truth looks good on me. Jesus nailed the shame to the cross and let me tell ya:

victory looks good on me,

and it does on you, too.

And here's the thing: once they're gone, there will be an investment to make up the spaces... once you throw out the jeans that don't fit, you're going to have to buy some new ones.

When you let lies consume you, they become a part of your thoughts, your heart, and your perspective... so when you get rid of them, there's going to be empty spaces.

When you finally make the choice to get rid of the lies, it's important that you don't just leave holes where lies could settle but instead, you fill them up with Truth.

The capital "T" kind.

And I promise that when you do, you'll stop feeling shame in the size 6/10/16/whatever and starting feeling beautiful because thats what you ARE.

xoxo

Lizzie